Ambien. No doubt about it.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
