i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
