So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize