so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
