there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
