Can i not drive my cunt home
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
