: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
