I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
