okay pat passed out under dana's car
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Shame - the story of my life.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
