i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
