my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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