just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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