I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
