I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
