Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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