We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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