Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
