Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
