sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize