im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
