It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
