how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
