I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
