It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I still have a little drunk in my system
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
