I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
