I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
