My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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