It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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