turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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