i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
zippers are such a cool invention
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
