There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
