GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
