addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
