Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
