I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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