my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
