Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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