do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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