Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
