The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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