I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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