Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
