Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
