Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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