I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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