hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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