Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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