dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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