it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Randomize
