My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
