I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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