Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
