She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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