I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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