if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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