i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
