i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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