And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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