from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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