Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
