She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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