were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize