I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
