whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
